Tim Ransom Needs Your Support

Timothy, being the itinerant cross-dressing Toronto-based troubadour that he is, needs your help. He's just about run out of undies (clean or otherwise), and could certainly use a few new pairs to help hold everything together, especially on stage. These fabulous thongs sold at Cafe Press would give him such a thrill. As Cafe Press says about them on their site:

Panty-minimalists love our casual thong that covers sweet spots without covering your assets, putting an end to panty-lines. This under-goodie is "outta sight" in low-rise pants. Toss these message panties at your favorite blogger or share a surprise message with someone special ... later.

Won't you please give your support to Tim today?

Stallman et. el. To Celebrate Ideology Purification Week

My friends, each of you is a single cell in the great body of the Free Software Foundation. And today, that great body has purged itself of parasites. We have triumphed over the unprincipled use of software. The thugs and wreckers have been cast out. And the poisonous weeds of closed source have been consigned to the dustbin of history. Let each and every cell rejoice! For today, we celebrate the first glorious anniversary of the Sourcecode Purification Directive! We have created, for the first time in all history, a garden of pure ideology, where each worker may bloom secure from the pests of contradictory and confusing truths. Our Unification of Thought is a more powerful weapon than any closed source system on Earth. We are one people. With one will. One resolve. One cause. Our enemies shall code themselves to death. And we will bury them with their own confusion. We shall prevail!

Tim Ransom Attempts Sharp Witticisms, Cuts Self. World Points, Laughs

Tim Ransom is pleased to partner with Groklaw to provide his TrueGIT technology to Groklaw's customer base," said Buzzy Drone, president of the Tim Ransom Fan Club. "We believe the stability and security of Groklaw, when coupled with TrueGIT's graphical user interface, provide customers a highly cost-effective, .NET-compliant method of being totally useless and worthless. TrueGIT lets Groklaw readers continue to use the development environment of their choosing to attain a near-GUI appearance and functionality. TrueGIT is the glue that unites Groklaw logic and GPLed code that developers have spent years hacking with GUI screens designed with ed and cat. A fresh appearance on top of a proven application and Groklaws's rock-solid PHP provides an optimal combination of attractiveness, depth of usefulness to a clueless mob, and reliability.

I'm Just a Kook

Hi! I'm Timothy Ransom! You know, when I'm not busy touring around Toronto or flaming somebody online for disagreeing with me and my crew over [Linux / Groklaw / PJ / GPL / Windows], or attempting for the nth time to learn how to finally nail a really difficult guitar chord, I like to sit around and put cloths pins all over my face.

Why?

Because it feels so good, and it makes me look so damn kool.

*snort*

And you know what? When I put enough of them on I'm going to have all my friends come over and light them one by one and then I'm gonna stand up on my sofa and yell out "Hey look, everybody! I'm a flaming asshole!"

My life is so full. I'm so blessed.

I'm Just a Lyin' Clown

Quotes about liars sponsored in part by Timothy Ransom and his Liars Club.

One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we've been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. The bamboozle has captured us. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.
Carl Sagan

The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie -- deliberate, contrived and dishonest -- but the myth -- persistent, persuasive and unrealistic
John F. Kennedy

To rationalize their lies, people -- and the governments, churches, or terrorist cells they compose -- are apt to regard their private interests and desires as just.
Wendy Kaminer

Hmmm... Rationalizing their lies by regarding their interests and desires as just. Sounds just like Timmy and company.

I'm Just An Asshole

One day, as Timothy Ransom gently strummed his guitar (and wished he had enough cash to put unbroken strings on it so he could make some real noise), the question ever so slowly tripped and stumbled across his drug- and alcohol-ravaged mind; "Am I truly an Asshole?"

You see, Timothy was trying to figure out why everyone wasn't throwing themselves at his feet in utter adoration of his wit, talent, and good looks (of which, truth be told, he had very little of any). But Timothy had his dreams and fantasies about how Important He Was, and how the World would surely realize this one day. And it was bound to happen any day now.

But the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, and then years, and still Timothy was unsatisfied with his station in life. He still didn't receive all the love and attention he felt he truly deserved. Then one day, someone gently left him a Clue as to his present situation. They called him an Asshole.

So he turned to that insensitive clod, and asked, as the tears streamed gently down his checks, "Why did you call me an Asshole?"

And that perceptive individual stated, in no uncertain terms, the following:

• You're brutal, unrelenting, and gleefully sadistic in your criticism of others.
• When others criticize your actions or attempt to use the same techniques on you, you're infinitely hypocritical in your anguished cries of indignation. And then you become even more brutal, unrelenting, and gleefully sadistic in your counter-criticism of them. At which point it become a never-ending circle of gross humor and put-downs.
• You can never stop. You have to win, regardless the cost.
  
• You take great pride in stirring up the digital mob to behave just like you, then you sit back with smug pride and watch the free-for-all.
• And your belief in any issue you decide to support is so narrow, it blinds you to any other point of view so completely that you might as well live your life with your head firmly shoved up your ass.
  

And so, after hearing all of that, he decided to look and see if he was an Asshole. So he covered his head in Vaseline, reached around under his ass, and stuck his head up his ass to see if it any of it were true. And that's when he discovered two important facts about himself:

1. He really was an Asshole, and
2. He really liked living with his head shoved up his ass.

The End

Let's All Hate Toronto

Once upon a time, before he learned to poorly play the guitar, Timothy Ransom was a little tyke growing up in the big Canadian city of Toronto. It was so big! And he was so small! But time and biology helped him overcome that problem, so that he came to realize what a special place he truly lived in - the most hated city in Canada, and probably the world.

TORONTO, Ontario (Reuters) -- The dislike of Canada's biggest city, Toronto, in the rest of the country runs so deep that a filmmaker has made a documentary about it.

"People in Toronto are soulless, one-eyed corporate zombies," Joey Keithley, of the Vancouver punk band D.O.A., says in the film, "Let's All Hate Toronto."

The 73-minute film, which premieres at Toronto's Hot Docs documentary festival next week, follows a character called Mister Toronto, who embarks on a cross-Canada trip brandishing a sign that reads "Toronto Appreciation Day" and steels himself for the onslaught.

His tour leads from Newfoundland on the Atlantic Coast to the Pacific city of Vancouver, where feelings against Toronto -- usually acknowledged as the country's financial center and the cultural capital of English Canada -- run deepest of all.

"There is something different (about hating Toronto). People are more passionate about it," filmmaker and co-director Albert Nerenberg said in an interview.

"People have a grudging respect for New York outside of the city, and have a grudging respect for London. But people outside of Toronto don't have that for Toronto, they really don't."

Nerenberg, who is from Montreal, got the idea for the film from a 1956 publication with the same name as the movie.

He said collective dislike of a city is not unique to Canada, and said he might like to make similar films on other countries' love-hate relationships with major cities.

So there he lives, strumming his guitar, contemplating his MySpace-like life, and thinking, "I sure wish I was loved instead of hated. Then maybe I could find a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Whatever."