I'm Just A Wookie

Tim Ransom awake groaning from yet another of his nightmares. "First a bug, then a butt-ugly dog. Now what?" he thought. As he gathered what few coherent thoughts he had he took stock of what he felt. Two legs ... with feet! Yes! Two arms ... with hands! Yeah! And he could feel and wiggle his fingers! He had to be human again. As he slowly opened his eyes his sight fell on - hair. Acres and acres of hair. And the smell! Like a pack of pissed-on wet mongrel dogs.

He was a wookie. Sitting in the witness box, microphone right beneath his hairy chin. And standing there before him was Johnny Cochran.

Cochran: Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, SCO's attorneys would certainly want you to believe that IBM gave aid or comfort to Pamela Jones and Groklaw. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
Pamela Jones: Dammit!
Colonel Zen: What?
Dio: He's using the Chewbacca Defense!
Cochran: Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major computer company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must find IBM guilty! The defense rests.

To Be Continued...